Did The Trade Of Jay Ajayi Cause Me To Have Appendicitis?

I like to take at least a day to fully absorb and comprehend any move the Dolphins make. If I didn’t, then I would be writing a scathing blog every single time they do anything because for the most part, some of the most baffling things happen and occur to that franchise. Yesterday, was all Saints day or Halloween for you heathens, but it was also the NFL trade deadline. Typically, not much occurs worthwhile on that day for the NFL but it got kicked off a day earlier when the Patriots sold some of their junk and got a treasure chest of doubloons in exchange for a QB that has only played in 2 and a half games. It goes without saying but Matt Flynn is very proud of the kind of money Jimmy G will be getting at the end of the season. But then yesterday at 9:33AM I get this bombshell

I woke up with a weird pain in the lower right part of my abdomen but thought it would just go away. Figured I’d rub some dirt on it and and be fine. I went to work, told a coworker about it and they said I needed to check it out immediately. I wasn’t in love with that idea until I heard about Miami trading Ajayi for essentially a box of day old donuts. Like Red Forman learning that his daughter just married Fez to keep him from getting deported, my pain level increased 10 fold. I knew a trip to the hospital was in order if not to check on my body but to see a professional to let me know that I am indeed in the reality that has Miami’s star running back going to Philly for only a 4th round pick.

If you saw or heard anything after Miami’s last week beatdown they received compliments of the Ravens, or maybe just maybe you read my postgame blog then you would know that coach Adam Gase lit up the Dolphin’s players. He basically called them lazy and too dumb to remember their assignments. Not sure it could get worse than be labeled that besides being told that being fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life. Gase also said that getting rid of players wasn’t much of an option because there wasn’t really to much out there to get. But he convinced management that he was finished with Ajayi, a player he once told to not make a trip to Seattle last year after Ajayi’s attitude was getting in the way of his play. After Gase did that, Ajayi started playing like a man possessed and dominated the league to 1,272 yards with three 200 yard games mixed in. The guy was second in the league with 899 yards after contact and seemed to get stronger as the game went on. Actually, I hate that line. It’s not that he gets stronger. That’s stupid. What happens is that the competition declines throughout the game while Ajayi stays near the same level of endurance and intensity as he did when he started the game. Sorry, I needed to get that in there. Anyway, the reports out there is that Ajayi has been complaining about not getting enough carries even when the team wins and that him and Gase were butting heads about Jay not knowing his assignments and also not taking what his albeit terrible, God awful offensive line was giving him. As Gase puts it:

“We’ve got to stop trying to hit home runs all the time,” Gase said. “How about take the 4 or 5 yards that we’re going to get? It comes down to everybody doing their job.”

I feel that whenever you say “how about” in front of whatever you’re about to say to cut someone down, then you’re really sticking it to someone and that’s exactly what Gase was trying to do here. To let Ajayi know that he’s a big part of the problem. Well apparently there was no way Gase could work with Jay anymore so he told management to get rid of him. But for a 4th round pick!!!??? You’d like to think that your stud back would fetch you at least a 3rd pick, a pick that used to be called a “first day pick” back when the draft used to be only 2 days and made you feel good when your team would be getting a “first day pick” but nope. They got a terrible sounding uncomfortable 4th round pick. Lame. Maybe Jay’s lingering knee issues, which are practically ticking time bombs in both his knees just waiting to explode was always in the back of Gase’s head, or that Ajayi wasn’t a guy he drafted and didn’t feel as loyal to him. Or, most likely Gase knows what we all know; that you can get a running back in any round, undrafted or off the scrapheap and they could become a stud for a handful of years. Who exactly knows. What we know is that Gase is not to be trifled with. Doesn’t matter how good you’re told you are or what your stats say. If you’re not doing it his way, which wanting players to take their work home with them and to be all in on football  isn’t a bad thing to want out of your players let alone your star players although it might be a bit naive to think that young dudes with tons of money that live in Miami are going to behave like alter severs, then Gase will simply cut ties with you and get someone else who will to take your place.

At 2;37 as I laid on a stretcher in the hallway of the emergency room I was hit with this piece of news

At was at this point that my appendix did one of these


Complete and utter betrayal by my appendix. I gave that appendix 31 years of perfect living conditions and this is how it repays me. Obviously my appendix thinks life will be better off without me. The way I look at it, this is a classic addition by subtraction situation. You’re either with me or against me and if you go so far as to threaten me with exploding inside of me then you’re most definitely against me. So like coach Gase, I get rid of you.

As do I think the trade of Jay Ajayi caused me to have appendicitis and ultimately have surgery to kick that no good, ungrateful organ to the curb I have to say yes. Here’s some saber metrics for you nerds to prove my theorem:

I’ve been alive for 31 years and 101 days and never had an organ taken out with Jay Ajayi never being traded. Yesterday was the only day of my life where Jay Ajayi was traded and I had an organ taken out. Pretty clear to me that every time Jay Ajayi gets traded, I’m in trouble. Philly best keep him or at the worst release him when he predictably laughs in Doug Pederson’s face when he asks him to show up to practice on time.



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