Let it be said that this isn’t me in the picture. I can only wish to have hair on me like that guy, because I’m bald now and you know, it really grinds my gears and I’m told I need to get mad about it.
There was a time in my life where I could go to the movies, enjoy it and then leave as soon as it was finished. I really loved those times. The movies were about seeing a movie with your l̶a̶d̶y̶ ̶f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶ friends during the school week in an effort to break up all the boozing you were doing although smuggling booze into the theater was part of the attraction. There was no pressure, no stakes. It was a simpler time. Now thanks to Marvel and their insidious decision 10 years ago to include an important and typically vital 30 second or so scene after the end credits or an end credit scene for all you movie buffs that will lead into the next installment of the franchise, I can’t go and see any movie without being physically removed by my f̶r̶i̶e̶n̶d̶s̶ lady friend(you read that right, Sern’s star is on the rise) when the movie is finished because I think there’s gotta be an end credit scene.
I realized I had a problem last week when I went to see Ocean’s 8. Yes, I was fully supportive of my lady friend’s choice of film for the evening, why wouldn’t I be right? I don’t want to go into how the movie was, but if you have a handle on what an Ocean’s movie looks like, then you have a firm idea on how Ocean’s 8 was except instead of dudes we had chicks. I’m fine with that. Chicks are cool. But, when the movie was over and the end credits hit, I didn’t move. I just sat there. My lady friend nudged me and said lets go, but like when Elaine’s boyfriend went into a trance when he heard the song Desperado and told her to not talk, I just continued to have my eyes glued to the screen minus me telling my lady friend to not speak because I’m a gentlemen.
Then, last night we saw Jurassic World. Again, I don’t want to get into a synopsis of the movie but if you’re looking for more people who think they can control multi-ton, enraged, wild, enormous, unpredictable killing machines eventually get ripped apart by dinosaurs then you’ll walk away happy. Movie ended, time to go, but I didn’t, I couldn’t, I felt compelled to stay. I needed to stay and see the end credit scene that in my brain I knew had to happen after the credits were finished rolling. Full disclosure, there were no end credit scenes in either movie. And you wanna know the strange thing? I wasn’t alone. There were others in both Ocean’s 8 and Jurassic World who were waiting around after the movie ended for a quick scene that would setup the next movie in the series. There were others and it felt good to know that I don’t have to go through this trauma alone, that there were others like me.
I can only hope that with time, rehab and constant belief in the idea that only Marvel movies really do end credit scenes that I can get over this struggle in my life and simply see a stand alone movie without waiting an extra 12 minutes worth of end credits that I will never care about. Admitting I have a problem is the first step to the road to recovery and it’s a road I’m looking to sprint down in confidence. Next step, go see Ant Man and The Wasp next week all so I can wait for the end credit scene that has some nuggets of knowledge about next years Avengers 4 movie that I will definitely geek out about and research to no end. We call this; facing your problem head on. Hope it works
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